I have looked at this latest growing phenomenon called self-love and am uncertain of its meaning and effectiveness, among others, in assisting one achieve sustainable personal development and advancement. I wonder whether its values and principles also apply in business, particularly growing small-businesses. Perhaps my apprehension of such a psychological and human behavioural concept is suspect, and giving an opinion under such circumstances ill-advised. But expressing an opinion is free as long as the opinion is not hate-speech or purport to be authoritative when it is not. So, please hear me out. By Nimroth Gwetsa, 28 September 2022
Definition of self-love varies depending on one’s source. The definition given in the article published on the Forbes health website describes it as “… an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue. That includes accepting yourself as you are, prioritizing your needs, setting healthy boundaries and forgiving yourself when needed. Treating yourself with kindness and respect means taking time to take care of your overall well-being.” – https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/how-to-practice-self-love/ and Wikipedia defines it as “… regard for one’s own happiness or advantage.” – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-love (both references, last accessed on 28 September 2022).
I do not know about you, but maybe I am old school and have had my brains fried with Scriptural reading, because I think this is one concept that can be easily misconstrued, resulting in fast destruction of one’s life from the (mis)application of the values and principles of self-love.
However, if self-love means developing oneself, improving one’s performance to add value to the lives of others and avoiding self-deprecation, then it is noteworthy and should be widely adopted. On the other hand, if self-love means selfishly ignoring others, stepping ahead at the expense of others and unconcerned about consequences or impact such actions have on others, surely it cannot be a good thing, much less sustainable.
I believe one can preserve oneself by not actively pursuing and focusing on self-preservation, but by having self-preservation as the outcome or consequence of self-development and own performance improvement. I want to believe the approach produces more sustainable results of looking after oneself, than focusing efforts directly on treating or “spoiling” oneself to gain happiness or advantage. To me, this is akin to the paraphrased adage of “teaching a man to fish”, thereby feeding them for a lifetime, than “giving a man fish”, thus feeding them for a day.
People are congenitally oriented towards self-preservation, self-gain and advantage. It does not require much effort or special training to pursue own happiness. Aside from becoming a victim of abuse, busyness is often the cause of one’s neglect of self and not taking time to care for one’s overall well-being. But that busyness may also not be for altruistic reasons, but owing to the desire to gain something, perhaps increased resources, reputation, or even avoiding silence and “emptiness” such as “doing nothing”. It takes special effort to focus on others such that the outcome of such actions results in one gaining the benefits of self-love values and principles.
Consider a scenario in business where one is confronted with an obligation to meet or service a customer’s need that conflicts with one’s personal situation that also requires one’s attention. For many an owner or manager of (small) businesses, they find it easy and convenient to ignore the customer and drop providing them services at the last minute by attending to their seemingly pressing personal needs than sacrificing their needs, though momentarily, in the interest of preserving good customer relationship. I am not saying that the needs of the customer should always be prioritised over one’s (business) needs, however, it can almost be expected that many a small-business manager and owner would easily find excuses to sacrifice the customer.
Communication is important, but more important is having a reputation of being trustworthy, reliable, diligent and dependable, that requesting to attend to the needs of the customer later may not be considered undesirable. Many a (small) business owner or manager makes the mistake of giving bad first impressions, by making excuses for their failure to perform and meeting expectations earlier in their interactions with new customers. By then, customers may already be writing them off and concluding, even if tacitly in their heads, to stop doing business with them.
Self-love to me then, is taking a longer periodic view of one’s life and prospects and doing everything possible to build towards reaching one’s envisioned goals by building a reputation as a deliverer, performer, trustworthy, dependable and a person of and with integrity, than focusing on the immediacy of satisfying needs increasing one’s good feelings. I can live with this description of self-love for life. Some may contend that my take on this issue is snake oil salesperson’s definition bordering on fostering a kumbaya spirit, and therefore considered unrealistic and impractical to apply in daily difficult life situations. Well, if my description of self-love is unacceptable, I can live with a revised version of Forbes Health’s that appreciates that one’s worth or virtue increases by becoming a better server of the needs of others.
The reader will notice I use “serving” liberally in my writings. By serving, I am not saying one becoming a slave, or working without monetary compensation, but striving for the best always in all that one does and produces. When results speak for themselves and are the best at helping someone, that person would have been well-served!
What is your flavour and definition of self-love?
